It's The Little Things That Can Make The Biggest Difference

Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste and health to the body.

Proverbs 16:24

Who doesn't appreciate an encouraging word? 

That's what I thought.

The problem is I'm socially challenged when it comes to accepting compliments. It goes something like this:

Nice Person: I like your hair.

Me: Oh, uh, *snort*. Yeah, I grew it myself. Um. Thank...you...

OR

Nice Person: I liked your blog post about________.

Me: Thanks.

Cue crickets chirping as Nice Person realizes I'm much funnier on paper.*

I'm not an easy person to encourage, and yet people persist in doing so. Every day someone takes the time to cheer me on, and bring a smile to my face. This forced me to consider, how often I intend to do likewise for others, but never quite get around to it. I make time for all sorts of shenanigans, but writing a quick note to a friend, or calling up someone just to say they were on my heart rarely makes the top of the list. 

I'm issuing a challenge to myself and hope you'll join me. Let's see if we can't manage to encourage at least one person every day. I'm not talking about telling your kid their art project looks nice. I'm talking about reaching out to someone whom God is prompting you to encourage. It might be someone you haven't spoken with in years. It might be awkward (it will be if they receive compliments like I do). It might not result in a Hallmark moment. But that's OK, because:

A word spoken at the right time is like gold apples on a silver tray.

Proverbs 25:11

Our pastor reminds us regularly that "It's always the right time to love", which means it's always the right time for an encouraging word.

Be A Blessing,

Cynthia

*It's true people. The jokes come a lot slower in person. Sorry to disappoint. 

Let Them: A Saturday Series

This first Saturday series is called "Let Them". There are so many things we just big, fat don't let our kids do. I'm meeting some of those things head-on and seeing what happens.

Let Them Sacrifice

Let's face it. It's uber-easy to let cute, adorable little babies be the center of attention. Of course babies do require a lot of attention, but as babies become toddlers and toddlers become grade schoolers they need to step out of the center of the universe. Otherwise what we end up with is teenagers with entitlement issues and sadistic adults. I paint a bleak picture, but I don't think it's far off the mark. All these parenting books with titles like, "How to Raise Happy Children" kinda make me gag. Just a wee bit. 

I'd much rather raise children who have strong morals than children who have strong desires for more. 

It can be uncomfortable to watch your children make sacrifices. Sometimes they donate things you wish they would choose to keep. Sometimes you can do nothing to soothe the pain of rejection when their offer to help is rebuffed. Sometimes you may disagree with their method or perceived motivation.* Isn't the outcome worth the pain though? We need the next generation to know what it means to love others for the sake of the gospel. If they don't practice this as younguns, do we really believe it will spontaneously occur in adulthood? 

Of course, the best way to let them sacrifice is to model it in our own lives. Do our children see us justifying our way out of helping someone in need? Do they see us discussing with our spouse why volunteering is 'impossible right now"? If we're not in the business of loving others sacrificially how can we expect to pass the mantle to our children? Let's begin by reflecting on our own sacrificing!

With Lent right around the corner, it's a great time to kick start a sacrificing campaign in your home.** Here's a simple guideline for young kids:

Something that's lasting,

Something you eat.

Save up your nickels,

Or give up a treat.

Lasting
Eat
Nickels
Treat

Lasting. Considering volunteering your time, or doing weekly service projects with your kids. Visit a nursing home or help a neighbor. Do something of lasting value in the lives of others.

Eat. Decide on a favorite food to eschew during Lent (think cookies, pancakes or mac 'n' cheese). Older kids can fast from a meal with you, but obviously you need to consider this more carefully depending on their age. Or work this the opposite way: Eat a simple dinner meal to demonstrate what poverty-stricken children might eat in a day. 

Nickels. Let them choose a ministry to bless. Make a "Lent giving jar" where they can see their money adding up for a great purpose. Perhaps they would like to purchase an animal through World Vision. I mean really. How many kids get to say they bought ducks and rabbits during Lent? They'll start a whole new fad, and you'll be the cool parents and everyone will like you. 

Treat. Everyone enjoys their treat. For some it's pedicures. For others it's golfing. For kids it might be watching cartoons or playing on the computer. Give up a treat and instead allocate that time for diving into the Word or starting a new family devotion. Replace the treat time with kingdom time. You get the idea.

Give it a shot and let me know how it goes. I don't know about you, but I get excited about a generation that has been encouraged to sacrifice!


Trying To Lead By Example,
Cynthia




*Giving with wrong motivation is still a start and does help foster a habit of giving. 
**I'll take the guesswork out of it. This year, Lent begins on February 13th. You're welcome.

Is Your Calendar Screaming "Uncle!"?

There are a lot of people who claim not to try to keep up with the Joneses. I see one area that screams "Liar!" to almost everyone. Parents, go look at your calendar. Girls Scouts, soccer practice, karate class, ballet, chess tournaments, swimming lessons, basketball, Cub Scouts, music lessons, drama practice, field trips, AWANA, bible quizzing, spelling bees, and by the way "Mom, I'm supposed to bring 400 cupcakes to school tomorrow."

So, maybe your brand of busy looks different than the Joneses, but we somehow feel like limiting our children's activities will leave them ill-equipped for real life. We're concerned that we will be criticized for not letting our kids partake of an array of activities. After all, where else will they learn such valuable lessons found in said activities?

Common reasons for enrolling kids in sports: Exercise, discipline, respect, and learning to be a team player. Don't we want those qualities applied, not just to soccer, but also to our family? Why should they learn those attributes from a coach? Why not enroll your child in a sport because they are disciplined, respectful and have learned to be a team player within their family? His/her coach will thank you, and you can rest in the knowledge that your child is receiving reinforcement training in what you have already begun (while staying fit). The only way we can achieve this is if we are investing serious quality time in training our children, versus saying a prayer and crossing our fingers.

When hard times come who will our children fall back on? Their ballet instructor, sensei, football coach? It should be us, which means we need to invest more time in our family now and worry less about whether Sally learns what it means to be a team player from someone who barely knows her. 

OK, before you revolt and tell me I'm suggesting kids don't do anything. Ever. Allow me to say that there is nothing wrong with signing your kids up for something. I personally shudder at the thought of signing my kids up for more than one thing. Our oldest takes piano lessons. That's it. Are there other activities she eyeballs? Yes. After she fulfills a year long commitment to her piano instructor, if there is something else she would rather do, we'll see what can be done. So far, nothing else catches her eye more than the ivory keys, so piano it is! This accomplishes a couple of things: First, my daughter is still involved in an extra-curricular activity. Second, it allows her to focus on piano and see if she really likes it. If a buffet of activities is always in front of a child, they are never going to be able to hone their skills in anything that's on their plate.

Would it be hard to go cold turkey? Umm. Yes. Whittle it down slowly. Compromise with your kids. It's not about a specific number of activities. It's about what it takes for your family to be a team before any one family member is part of another team.

The Joneses can't beat that.

Listening To Some Rockin' Piano Playing,
Cynthia

You Know You Have A House Full Of Girls When...

A house filled with sugar and spice makes for some unique adventures:

1. We have an entire bucket dedicated to various combs and brushes.

2. Hair bows, flowers, clips and ponytail holders require their own zip code.

3. The decibel level gets exponentially louder at the sight of a harmless bug.

4. The decibel level gets exponentially louder every time Daddy arrives home.

5. The decibel level gets exponentially louder for no apparent reason.

6. Basically, girls are squealy.

7. Pink is it's own laundry load.

8. We get lots of sympathetic talks about what we're in for during the teenage years.

9. We get lots of sympathetic talks about wedding costs.

10. We get lots of sympathetic talks about boys and answering the door with a shotgun.

11. My husband gets sympathy no matter what.

12. Sparkles, dolls, and dress-up oh my!

13. Two words: Toilet Paper

14. American Girl and Nancy Drew books comprise half of their bookcase.

15. There is a steady stream of sewing or jewelry-making projects.

16. Their closet holds more dresses than their drawers do pants.

17. Painting nails is an outdoor sport.

18. Lip gloss, jewelry and purses are standard gifts.

19. We have a lot of lip gloss, jewelry and purses.

20. Amidst braiding hair, painting nails and playing with make-up, we make some of the funnest memories and have the best talks on the planet. 

I wouldn't trade this season of all girls for anything. Someday boys will enter this crazy family, but for now we are entrusted with these precious girls. We are called to guard their hearts, have awkward body talks and train the next generation of wives and mothers. We've enjoyed every season thus far and prayerfully look forward to the stages still to come.

Loving My Girls,

Cynthia

P.S. While writing this post, I got asked to do rag curls.

Let Them: A Saturday Series

Welcome to my first Saturday blog series! I was going to call it "Cynthia's Super Saturday Series Extravaganza!!!" but "extravaganza" doesn't begin with an "S" sound...

My Saturday Series will have a narrow focus and intended audience.* This first series is called "Let Them". There are so many things we just big, fat don't let our kids do. I'm going to meet some of those things head-on and see what happens.

Let Them Get Angry.

"But I Don't. Want. To. Wash. My. Haaaaaaaaaannnnnndssssss!!!" Each word is punctuated with stomps down the hall, followed by the sounds of angry hand-washing. Tell me you know what angry hand-washing sounds like? Water on full blast, slamming the soap down, grabbing the towel and leaving it on a heap on the floor...**

Or

Feeling hurt by a friend on the playground and (two hours later) using unnecessary force when unloading the dishwasher. 

Or 

The oh so wonderful eye-roll and huffing to the bedroom.

And I'm not just talking about me. Ba-doom, ching!

OK, but let's be candid; most of us have lost our tempers. I've slammed cabinets in frustration. I've raised my voice when I should have taken a deep breath. I've given icy glares to those I profess to love the most. I've offered lengthy lectures over piddly things. It never resolves anything, but if I'm willing to be honest, sometimes it feels satisfying to get really angry over something. The trick is not sinning in my anger. 

Why would it be any different for my kids? 

We have a general rule: It's fine to be angry. It's not fine to sin in our anger, and you do not need an audience. Therefore, you can be angry in your room (or the garage or backyard*** if the room is occupied at the moment). We'll reconvene once spirits are calm. 

It's a timeout without a timer. Take as long as you need to gather your senses and give your initial anger over to God. Usually within five minutes the (formerly...or mostly formerly) angry party has returned to the living room and is ready to address not only their anger, but any accompanying sinful attitudes and actions (this is where I apologize for the towel-throwing and eye-rolling). We pray together and I encourage them to ask God for help. If it's me who was in self-sanctioned timeout, I treat the situation the same: I apologize for any wrong behavior(s) and pray with my kids. No one is berated for feeling angry. Ever.

God has created us with a beautiful array of emotions. We don't need to be afraid of anger. There is a function to anger (after all, righteous anger can spur us into action). If we're too busy combating the symptoms (e.g. temper tantrums), we miss the heart issue and the opportunity to help our kids navigate their emotions in a Godly fashion.

I'd be angry if my hair was that static-y too.

Comparing Prices of Punching Bags,
Cynthia

P.S. All photos were staged. No children were angered in the making of this blog post (despite Mikayla's convincingly angry expression).



*A nice way of saying "Some of you could care less, because you're in a different stage/place in life".
**Before parenting, I had no idea hand-washing could sound angry. Oh the things we learn.
***Now is not the time to suggest they do "backyard duty". Nothing good can come from angry kids handling dog poop. 

Time To Fight

I don't know about you, but I could care less about the game on Sunday.
I feel good getting that off my chest.
The best thing about the Super Bowl (in my oh so humble opinion) is munching on yummy snacks and chatting with friends. I know for a lot of people, it is a great day to whip up some margaritas, order pizza, and yell at the tv enjoy some time with friends. 

I hate to put a negative spin on such an ideal day, but for too many people Super Bowl Sunday is going to signal the beginning of a hellish existence. But don't take my word for it.

I realize there is some debate regarding how widespread the human trafficking actually is during the Super Bowl. However, if skeptics are mistaken, I would rather have erred on the side of compassion. Click here for more information. Their "Resources" tab is quite extensive. 

As the mama to girls, this topic sits like lead in my belly. Parents, we need to have (age-appropriate) dialogue with our kids (daughters and sons). Teaching them the warning signs of tricky people and raising their awareness can't hurt and it might save their lives. 

I don't know what to do. Preparing our girls strikes at the underbelly of future trafficking, but it does nothing for the women already trapped. I can beseech you to help raise awareness. I can spout off statistics, but that doesn't change the nightmare in which these young women are already ensnared. I can write a check to an organization aimed at fighting this industry. I don't know how much good any of that does. 

What I do know is that each victim is valued by God and He has not forgotten them. 

Here is the best thing I know to do for these women: I will be fasting and praying on Sunday. It's the most powerful weapon I wield against such evil. Will you consider doing likewise? 

I know, I know. But the margaritas! The pizza! 

Save it for another day. These daughters (and sons) are worth it. 

Praying and Fasting,
Cynthia

Hogwash

Recently on the wonderfully convoluted and dramatic world of Facebook, this quote was pasted onto a photograph:

"The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty."
(Mother Teresa)

The photograph held a sweet lil' pink face, smudged with mud. Doleful eyes stared sadly from behind the bars of a dirty cell. It was just a glimpse into this neglected life.

Oh. Did I mention it was a picture of a pig? As in oink, oink, "th-th-that's all folks" pig.

I know. It was a little mean of me to string you along like that. When I first saw Mother Teresa's words applied to humane treatment of hogs, I felt more than mild annoyance. It cheapens the words of a great woman who (to the best of my knowledge) never lobbied for animal rights. She was a little preoccupied with loving people. Silly nun.

This brought to a rolling boil a topic that has been quietly simmering in the back of my mind. If I drive to the ritzier areas of town, I can literally feel my blood pressure rise. Pet resorts. Pet summer camps. Pet dermatologists. Really? What, will the other mutts make fun of teenage canine acne? Pet bakeries, spas and posh kennels that cost more than my entire home furnishings. And don't get me started on pet strollers.

Disclaimer: When watching a movie, I tend to flinch more when animals get hurt than when their human counterparts get an arrow through the heart.*

There is a disturbing trend in our society to lavish extravagant care on our four-legged creatures (unless it's a canary. then I certainly hope it's only two-legged). Now hear this: I'm all for humane treatment of animals and being kind to our pets. While I don't personally feel that our dogs are part of the family, I can handle people referring to their "furry kids". What I have absolutely zero tolerance for is the over-the-top concern Americans have for animals while humans are languishing in worse conditions than those of the pig I described earlier. The two aren't incompatible. You can save the whales and advocate for orphans. We needn't feel guilty when we buy a bag of dog food, but we had better hope the images of gaunt faces in Africa spur us into action. Perhaps there are still people in the U.S. who are unaware of the living condition of orphans in other corners of the world. I painted a sad little picture of a pig. Now it's time to paint an even sadder picture. Imagine walking onto the grounds of an orphanage. As you walk through the front doors, a faint (and unpleasant) odor wafts through the stale air. The first floor holds babies in cribs. There are soiled sheets, and bottles propped in mouths. Aha. That must be the source of the smell. Only the newbie bothers to cry. The rest of the children have already learned that their tears result in zilch. Climb the dingy stairs to the second floor. Then it hits you. The stench is overwhelming. Choking back bile, you press on and the sight before you nearly makes your knees buckle. Same scene as the first story, but now you are looking into the expressionless faces of toddlers, grade-schoolers and teenagers. They are laying in their own filth, bottles propped against rotting teeth, muscles permanently contracted, their weight flunked out of the percentile charts. These children protest being taken from their cribs, because they hardly know human touch.

Their care is worse than we would find acceptable for our dogs. Light years worse. It is a contradiction to say these are their living conditions; these are truly their dying conditions. This is (at least closer) to what Mother Teresa was talking about.

By the way, the above quote is nestled in a larger quote. Here it is in it's entirety:

There is more hunger in the world for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.

So, take your pooch for a walk (or snuggle your ferret *shudder*) while you seek God's direction for His precious and valued children.

Needing Perspective,
Cynthia

P.S. I will not apologize for thinking of ferrets as hairy snakes with legs.

*The Professor insisted I have a disclaimer. That's why he balances me so well. But seriously. Who else gasps when a horse goes down?