cultivate (kuhl - tuh - veyt)
v. 1) develop 2) nurture

graft (grahft)
n. 1) transplant 2) bud 3) union

Monday, November 19, 2012

Obstacles Schmobstacles

The obstacles in adoption tend to paralyze waaaaay too many people. I truly understand how intimidating the process can be. I also know how incredibly rewarding it is.

Below are, what I consider to be, the most common arguments thrown down, and my honest, non-snarky responses.

I'm not called to adoption.
This one is tough, because the majority of the people who say this have spent diddly time praying, seeking God's will, receiving wise counsel and truly considering why they aren't "called" to adopt. That said, I do not believe that every Christian should adopt. I also don't view adoptive Christian families as spiritually superior. Trust me, we're just as screwed up as the rest of the families in the pews on Sunday. Every single Christian is not necessarily ordained to adopt, but every single Christian is absolutely-without-a-shadow-of-a-doubt called to care for the orphan. It's a default setting (more on this later).

I always wanted to adopt.
I'm sure that's of comfort to the child who said "I always wanted a family" and never got one. Harsh, I know, but the faces of countless street children demand I speak up.

Adoption is so expensive.
My God owns the cattle on a thousand hills. I've heard enough stories of miraculous provision to know that nothing is impossible! In addition, there are roughly a bazillion resources available for funding an adoption.

The process takes too long.
Oftentimes they have waited just as long, if not longer. Millions of these beloved children of God have languished in orphanages for YEARS. This should not be.

We don't have the space in our home.
I guarantee you do. If you have room in your heart, you can make room in your house. We don't need a separate play room for all of our children's toys. We can add on a room. We can move into a larger home. We can make do with less so a child can have so much more.

I don't think I could love a child that isn't biologically mine.
While a valid concern, there are resources galore to help with this. Most adoptive families work hard to foster strong bonds and healthy attachment. With this comes a fierce love that is stronger than mere genetics.

I don't want to end up with a "messed up" kid.
Then don't have kids at all.*

We would only be open to infants, because we want to avoid the "issues" older orphans have.
I hear what you're saying, and once upon a time I echoed that sentiment. However, trauma is trauma no matter the age. Some of the worst effects of attachment and bonding trauma occur before the age of two, which means the infant you want to adopt is not a blank slate. He/She is still at risk of attachment issues down the road. Adopting an infant is not the "safe" route.**

I want to adopt, but my spouse isn't on board.
Pray and don't stop. Most of the time, it's the wife who wants to adopt and the husband who isn't so hot on the idea. Pushing the issue can create serious resentment. Wives, bring it to God, and don't nag. Husbands, there is just about nothing sexier than a man who steps up to embrace the fatherless. We ladies go weak in the knees.***

Take It Into Consideration,

*Where is the guarantee that all biological kids will turn out perfectly? I must have missed that page in the manual.
**Dr. Karyn Purvis is a wealth of information on the topic.
***Not even kidding.


  1. Once again Dear friend, you write as if it were just to me...

    1. I need to hear it just as much as the next person!

  2. I didn't know there were any resources for funding adoption.. That's our one major hangup.

    1. An excellent resource is a book entitled Adopt Without Debt by Julie Gumm.

  3. Are you blogging from your birthing bed? Are you an amazon?

    1. Bwahaha! Hardly. I scheduled my posts ahead for the entire month. Once things calmed down I posted the link on fb.

  4. Way to knock down the "walls"! Even more wonderful is watching you and Timothy live what you believe.


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