The Easter Conundrum

Ah yes. The true meaning of Easter.

When it comes to holidays, there's a growing focus on minimalism within the Christian community. Any number of popular blogs are addressing the over-the-top celebrating, which is prolific in our corner of the world. 

Leprechauns and gold coins have bedecked St. Patrick's Day. Bunnies and an ever-widening array of designer plastic eggs have smothered Easter. Fireworks and a barbecue have overshadowed the truth of Independence Day. Thanksgiving is just an excuse to stuff our faces. Presents and Santa have usurped Christmas. 

The Devil is naturally bent on profaning that which is holy.* What better way to distract us from true celebration than to hand us pseudo-celebrations to replace the sacred?

And yet...

My children will still decorate eggs. The will still search high and low for brightly colored eggs, filled with candies and loose change. We will still take extra care on our appearance this Sunday. Why? Because it's Easter; One of the highest, holiest celebrations on the Christian calendar. Putting a little more effort into my hair on Easter doesn't detract, diminish or otherwise cripple the work accomplished on the cross and in the tomb. I know my holiday minimalist friends are cringing that I appear to be going soft, but hang in there with me.

I am all for doing away with the commercialism accompanying our holidays. One special day bleeds into the next and they are beginning to be generically celebrated. It's now possible to trim your home year round with a variety of holiday lights available on the market. Just take down the Christmas lights and put up the heart lights. Take those down and put up the egg lights, the flag lights, the skull lights. How charming.

Enough already.

But Cynthia, aren't you buying into this whole mess if your kids have matching outfits on Sunday? 

Maybe. But I don't think so. 

What do my kids see when their mama puts on her finest and double checks her reflection in the mirror? They see that something important, something BIG is happening. It puts a sense of magic in the air, and rightly so. It's up to us to tell our kids to tell them what that BIG thing is. Typically, going to church on holidays doesn't really connect with kids. It's not interesting and it doesn't help commemorate the holiday from a child's perspective. I bet if we asked our kids how they would celebrate Easter (with no preconceived notions), church wouldn't make the top ten.** I lay pretty good odds that our girls would say throw a party and invite the whole neighborhood. With that in mind, what does hunting through the yard for eggs say to my children? It says this is no ordinary day. The level of excitement runs so high the air practically crackles with glee. Now show them that it is Jesus who gives us reason to be gleeful.

This isn't about taking a middle-of-the-road stance. I'm not trying to find a "Christian compromise" or some sort of mash-up that keeps all parties satisfied. I am absolutely not suggesting we find a way to marry our beliefs to our traditions. There is no marrying the two. They are righteously unequally yoked. Our traditions exist to help us celebrate and commemorate the holidays, to remind us of what is holy, of what is uncommon in this common (profane) world. In order for this to be the case, we need to ask ourselves if the festivities are in service to to the main focus, or have they supplanted Christ, who is always, always, always the main focus?

The reason our society has begun a trend of commemorating less significant days, stems from our need to find significance and meaning. We need to flip this upside down and realize that we celebrate BECAUSE the holidays have significance and meaning. When we value the sacred of the holiday, how it is celebrated means little; It is that it is celebrated that means much.

So, whether you pull out all the stops or eschew anything pastel colored and chocolate coated this Sunday...

He Is Risen!


He Is Risen Indeed,
Cynthia

Easter 2011

P.S. A shout out to the handsome man for his help working through this with me.

*Here's a little trivia: To profane is to make common. OK, not trivia-just a dictionary. Whatever.
**Seriously, don't you remember how long Easter church services were as a kid? 

Parents vs. Parents

Homeschooling is the responsible Christian choice.

Formula is poison and you don't love your baby if you feed them that garbage.

Baby Wise is evil.

If you let your twelve year-old daughter wear lip gloss and mascara, she'll be sneaking out for clandestine meetings by the time she's thirteen.

Co-sleeping with baby is reserved for hippies and couples with intimacy issues.

Letting your high schooler date will lead directly to the condom aisle in the store.

If you value your child's soul, you won't let them watch t.v.

Sixteen year-olds aren't mature enough to drive.

Don't ever let grown kids move back home.

Working outside the home will destroy your kid's childhood, so set aside a therapy piggy bank now.

Too many of us are either condescendingly nodding our heads in agreement or donning boxing gloves (or wondering where the heck I'm running with this). Of course, it's fine to have opinions on parenting methods and beliefs. But it sure seems to me we have forgotten that we're all in the same boat here. We're trying to do right by our kids and we only get one shot at it. Instead of rowing in unison, we're slashing lifeboats and tossing empty life vests overboard willy-nilly. It's ridiculously easy to get caught up in how So-and-So parents, or what that mom did in the grocery store. For every moment I spend criticizing another's parenting, I'm missing out on my own parenting. I've written a blank check to Time, and she is unrelentingly cashing in on every single second I have with my children.

I've had it up to here with the parenting wars.* Parenting should not be a cutthroat business. We need each other. It's not necessary to see eye to eye, nor give each other the stink eye. Instead of silently (or not so silently) judging the frazzled mama in the frozen food aisle, we need to give her the mama nod. I've got your back, dear mom. I'm linking arms with you and we're going to love these rascals if it's the last thing we do. We're in this parenting thing together. I refuse to condemn you over the snippet I've seen. I refuse to let my pride overshadow love. Now. Let's do this! 

Instead of spending my limited time assessing someone else's parenting, I'm going to parent like there's no tomorrow; For it is surely not guaranteed.


Stumbling Through Grace,
Cynthia



*This cliché doesn't translate well over the internet...You'll just have to envision my hand raised above my noggin.

Let Them: A Saturday Series

This first Saturday series is called "Let Them". There are so many things we just big, fat don't let our kids do. I'm meeting some of those things head-on and seeing what happens.

Let Them Blow Bubbles In Their Milk

Through a child's eyes, one of the best uses for a straw is reversing the airflow. For some reason, there is nothing quite as satisfying as the gurgle of milk bubbles, watching the mountain of bubbles grow to overflowing. The goal is pushing the limit. How high can you get the bubble tower without it actually overflowing or beginning to pop?

Through a parent's eyes, one of the best uses for a straw is to use them to draw straws for who cleans up the dog barf. 

In this day and age, parents are overly concerned with efficiency to the detriment of simple childhood pleasures. We wince when we see the puddle of glue growing. We inwardly groan at the thought of a fort, because it means extra sheets to wash and living space commandeered by a maze of blankets and chairs.* The most refreshing drink during the hot summers can be found at the end of a garden hose. Sure, they end up with wet shoes (or more) and could have filled nine glasses in the time they took to manage three slurps. 

So what?

I'm not suggesting we go all "Peter Pan" on life, but refusing (for selfish reasons) the carefree joys of childhood does little more than make for disappointing memories. So, mamas, go buy a pack of straws, enjoy sticky popsicles, make forts, drink deeply, not only from the hose, but of these days. These glorious, fleeting days.

Drinking Deeply,
Cynthia



*Not to mention the excruciating, cuss-worthy pain of stepping on a pocket flashlight.

Everybody Has Duck Lips

Duk lipz. I haz thum.

I'm so sorry to subject you to this. Really, I am. 

I've come to the conclusion that everybody has duck lips. Sounds deep. I can hear philosophers flipping in their graves. Sorry Socrates. I'm running with it.

What spawned the infamous "duck lip" photos which (unfortunately) continue to drown Facebook?* It's simple: People doing what they think makes them look good, desirable. It becomes a contest to take it to the extreme. 

Oh the irony of wearing my "It's not about me" t-shirt...

"did u see my new duck lips photo?"

"sick. I bet I can stick my duck lips out frthr than u."

"not even." 

"just uploaded it."

"ur the duck lips queen."**

 Maybe your news feed isn't clogged with duck lips:

"I just ran 14 miles with ankle weights on, did 4,000 crunches, drank kale juice and haven't touched a Snickers bar in 3 three years. What have YOU done today?"

or

"I got up at 5 am, baked 6 loaves of bread, greeted my family with made-from-scratch buckwheat pancakes in the shape of flowers, after which we enjoyed a blessed time of family worship in the garden while we sang hymns and weeded. Then we washed our vegetables, swept, mopped, dusted, vacuumed, got all the laundry done and still had time to make a nutritious dinner and light the candles on the table well before hubby walked in the door."

or

"I just got employee of the year again (six years running)! *giggle* I guess I'm the best in the company. Sorry co-workers. Time to step up your game."

Duck lips. Duck lips. Duck lips.

Not resonating with you? How 'bout this:

"I'm such a good Christian. I did my quiet time, prayed over each of my children, volunteered at the local shelter, made time to mentor three kids and will spend my weekend praying and fasting. If you're not doing this, you are seriously missing out."

Duck lips.

In case you're wondering, this is "smart duck lips".

None of these are bad things (well. except for the kale juice). Pretentiously touting your accomplishments across your Facebook, Twitter, whatever (or in person) is just your brand of duck lips. 

I'm sure some people share their triumphs to keep family informed. If you don't live near the parents, this is a great way to share the daily happenings. I'm also sure they're the minority. Most of us are just looking for a way to pat ourselves on the back and hopefully get some others to applaud us as well. I know I'm guilty of it. But isn't unsolicited praise so much sweeter than that which is squeezed out of others? 

My identity, my worth, my accomplishments need to be rooted in something so much bigger than the praises of man. I serve a God who can blow their speech right out of the water with seven golden words: 

"Well done, my good and faithful servant." 

I'd rather hear those nine syllables once than hear a thousand praises for the mundane undertakings of my day. 

Setting Aside My Brand Of Duck Lips,

Cynthia

P.S. I had a heck of a time explaining to my children why exactly I was taking pictures of myself in the bathroom mirror. You're welcome.

*And we wonder why Facebook stock struggles. 

**Try to reign in your enthusiasm over my mad high school conversational skillz.

A Mile In My Shoes: Non-Religious Homeschooling

An opportunity for YOU to share your stories, in order that we might all learn to love more deeply.

We homeschool, but we aren't religious. The assumption is that every homeschooling family does so for religious purposes. We might be the minority, but non-religious people do homeschool too, and I for one, struggle with finding our identity in the homeschooling community. It's more difficult in a small town to "break into" a homeschool group, especially if you don't have the required "Statement of Faith". In a small town, the prospects for a secular homeschool group is limited. 

I don't love my children any less, or care about their education any less just because we aren't religious. What I would truly appreciate in a homeschool group is diversity of beliefs. What better environment to expose my children to several worldviews? We don't need to fear the people behind different beliefs, and socializing with a diverse group of people isn't going to undo all the teaching and training we do at home.

Thanks for the opportunity to share my heart on this subject. It's close to my heart. :)

Anonymous

Submissions may be e-mailed to: cultivatedgraftings@gmail.com

Let Them: A Saturday Series

This first Saturday series is called "Let Them". There are so many things we just big, fat don't let our kids do. I'm meeting some of those things head-on and seeing what happens.

Let Them Contribute To The Family

Last Saturday we chatted about kids and money. Chores were part of that conversation, so I figured I'd wrap this up into a neat little package for you by attacking those dreaded chores. 

Lie #1: The right system will make chores flow seamlessly in our day.
Lie #2: You can make any chore fun.*
Lie #3: Kids will grumble through chores and it's not worth the fight.
Lie #4: It's easier for me to do it myself.
Lie #5: They're too young/They'll mess up.


OK, so there's a nugget of truth to some of these, but here's the deal: You aren't running a Bed & Breakfast. These are human beings, and they aren't the Queen of England, so they can darn well help with the laundry. I won't bore you with the details of our children's chores. Suffice to say we have printed workable chore charts for the three olders, shoved the chart in a page protector sleeve, stuck it to the fridge and we cross stuff off with a dry erase marker as it is accomplished. We (the parents) are the ones preoccupied with the structure of chores. You'll notice no kids are scouring Pinterest looking for the ideal chore system. That's why I'm not sharing the specifics of our system. You don't need any more ideas; Just give something a whirl and tweak it as needed to fit your family. 

More than cleaning games and children's annoyingly peppy cleaning songs, your attitude will make or break the deal. If we approach cleaning as just another part of life, eventually you'll meet with less resistance. Eventually. I was struck with the truth of this last night as I asked my oldest to unload the dishwasher. She was in the middle of playing...with a friend...who was spending the night. She didn't bat an eye (or roll them either). She just did it, because it's one of her chores this week. Our kids clue in to our attitudes. If I grumble my way through cleaning and gnash my teeth over messes, why would I expect my kids to do otherwise?

It's NOT easier for me to do it myself, and it IS worth the fight. We've heard it before. We've read it in books and other blogs. We all know that it's trying at first, and we just need to persevere, because it's worth it in the end. Right? Right. Here's what I have to add to that: Their future room mates, spouses, children and house guests will benefit. Your family will benefit. One reason gangs are so tight is because each member contributes, is held to a standard and has responsibilities. We could learn a thing or two. If we want our children to have strong bonds within the family, they need to make real contributions (not just letting the dog out or fluffing pillows). They need to be held to a standard.** Real responsibilities leave a person knowing that others depend on them to complete a task. If my kids can say, "Oh well. Mom will do it." Nu-uh. No dice Kemo Sabe. They need to know that everyone in the family is depending on their contribution or else there will be something undone, something lacking in the home. Now I'm not claiming that slapping a broom in your kid's hands will keep them off drugs, but just like the family dinner, it's bound to have a positive effect. And that is easier for me and is worth the fight. 

Some kids truly are too young. Our youngest can barely hold her head upright, let alone a dish (Psh. Slacker). I refuse to give you a system, but I will say this: If they can reach it, they can help with it.*** A toddler can reach the laundry basket. A grade-schooler can reach the stove top.

We all know they will mess it up. There's grace. 
We all know it's hard work. Training our children is worth it. 

And sometimes you will need to secretly go back over a chore. But if you get caught, you'll have a heck of a time explaining yourself. 

Grab A Duster,
Cynthia



*I'm sorry, but cleaning behind the toilet is not fun no matter what song and dance accompanies it. 
**The room shouldn't look like an F3 tornado just leveled it.
***For the vertically challenged I present The Footstool. Use it. Learn to love it.

Top Ten Homeschooling Tips From Yours Truly

In recent weeks, several people have sought my advice on homeschooling. Apparently slogging my way through a few years makes me genius material. Snort. I'm always willing to help, so without further ado...

How Not To Homeschool 101*

1. Read thousands of curriculum reviews until your head spins.**

2. Keep searching for the perfect curriculum.

3. Be a slave to the day planner.

4. Ignore the day planner.

5. Forget that you are still a wife.***

6. Judge other parents for making different schooling decisions than you.

7. Over commit to activities.

8. Fret about whether they're "getting enough".

9. Get lazy.

and

10. Lose sight of why you began this crazy homeschooling journey in the first place: Love.****

I could easily quadruple this list, but I've got to save something for another post, right? Besides it's time for this family to rock the school books. 

Homeschooling Guru Extraordinaire,

Learning Alongside My Kids,

Cynthia

*Don't ask me how I know.

**Head spinning tends to freak out the kids.

***Apparently it's not enough to own a "Sexy Homeschooling Mom" t-shirt. Just whatever.

****It's the same motivator for parents who choose public, private, charter, whathaveyou; We love those rascals around the dinner table.