cultivate (kuhl - tuh - veyt)
v. 1) develop 2) nurture

graft (grahft)
n. 1) transplant 2) bud 3) union

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Roses Are Red...

...Violets are blue

Why is there a disaster
Every time I'm in the loo?

I don't know about you, but it seems like EVERY SINGLE TIME I step foot in the bathroom, World War III breaks out, or someone is suddenly on the verge of starvation, or someone tries to shatter a bone, a cup or my sanity. The state of emergency is directly proportionate to how long I need in order to take care of business.*

Let me paint a beautiful scenario:
I let my children know when I'm excusing myself to the powder room.** Now. We do not have exhaust fans in the bathroom (which means I can't mute their yodeling). This also means that every single response from me is heard by the neighbors via the open window in the bathroom. I'm sure they appreciate hearing me announce what I'm doing in the bathroom and how much longer it will be until I get out. 

Since I know you're all on the edge of your seats waiting for nuggets of wisdom to handle this parenting snafu, I present to you for your entertainment spiritual growth:

Parenting From The Bathroom:

1. Both announcing and slipping away unnoticed will result in company, quandaries or a dire malady.

2. Pounding on the walls is not nearly as effective as giving them the hairy-eyeball-death-glare.

3. Locking the door only heightens the challenge.

4. Sometimes it's better to preserve a shred of anonymity with your neighbor to the north.***

and lastly

5. Sometimes the worst form of punishment is to trap the offender in the bathroom with you. (insert evil laugh here)

Enjoy your daily recommended fiber allowance,


*This is eerily similar to trying to make a phone call...
**I know, I know. My husband thinks the same thing: Don't tell them you're going. BUT otherwise the youngest will be yelling for me throughout the house the entire time I'm gone. Entire. Time. You try that on for size after two minutes.
***I understand they need Jesus too, but opening with "Hi I'm the lady who shouts about her bathroom trips. Care to listen to the four spiritual laws?" just doesn't seem to open doors.


  1. Love your way with words! This is why Andrew always wonders how I can go so long with out a bathroom trip (which of course gets harder the more children wreck your body, I mean, the more children you have)!

  2. I hear that, Nicole! Jump ropes and trampolines are out of the question. Skipping, running, sneezing-all bad. Walking, really...

  3. *ROFLOL* Oh my - yes...! Though I have found #5 to backfire on occassion... the advantage is that you can apply both of #2 (ahem - on the list) to the situation.

  4. Ahhh, the joys of motherhood. Thanks for letting me know what I missed!! I don't feel so badly now.

    1. haha - Hey - they do grow up, blog, and make you laugh ;-)


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