Our Journey to Sophia: Part One

It's time to unpack our adoption story for you.

WARNING: Most adoption journeys are not Hallmark Channel pretty. The outside of the package usually looks decent, but there's a big ol' mess inside. Ours is no exception.

Here's the Reader's Digest format:

August of 2007 we applied to our agency.
March of 2010 we finally got our act together and submitted our dossier.*
September of 2010 we received our referral.
January of 2011 we traveled to Ethiopia for court and met our newest daughter.
March of 2011 I traveled with a friend to bring Sophia home. Shout out to my friend Lori! It takes a very special and brave woman to travel halfway around the world with me.

OK, first point I'd like to make is that the most idiotic way to handle adoption paperwork is over a two and-a-half year period. May I suggest you not follow our example on that front?

But I digress.

Our story begins well before 2007. Adoption was woven into the hearts of myself and my husband while we were dating (2001-perhaps even earlier than that). It was somewhat of an assumption that we would, at some point, probably adopt. By 2006 we were married, had a toddler and a peanut on the way. After choosing an agency, we applied to their El Salvador program in 2007. Some of you may notice that Sophia is a shade darker than most El Salvadorans. Mid-process we switched to our agency's brand spanking new Ethiopia program (at our agency's suggestion). Africa has always held my heart captive, so it was a done deal.**

Adoption paperwork is a bear. Imagine the paperwork required for buying a house, selling a house and doing complicated taxes all rolled into one. Now, imagine that each document is spread out over your city and you need to gather them in a specific order, within a specific time frame. Add fingerprinting (three times) into this lovely process and you're beginning to get the idea. Did I mention these documents have expiration dates? When you take (going on) three years to complete the paperwork, you have to start over with a lot of it (I told you it was idiotic).

In the adoption community there is a lot of "hurry up and wait" going on. Once your dossier is in country, you just wait. And wait. And then wait some more. People have a tendency to ask a lot of questions during this phase, because it appears you're not pursuing adoption anymore. It's monotonous and painful to answer the same question with the same answer. "Our dossier is in country and we're just waiting for our referral."

And waiting.

In all fairness, we didn't have a very long wait until our referral. Considering we had two younguns at home, our attention was not solely on the calendar, marking the slow march of time, noting that we were nearing the end of the posted referral time-frame. It's almost surreal when that phone call finally comes in. When you first lay eyes on your child, something shifts and all that paperwork fades to a dim memory (at least temporarily). I couldn't stop staring at her beautiful eyes (a weakness for anyone who takes one peek at her lashes). I wanted more than anything to hop a plane, gather her in my arms and never lay her down as an orphan again. Directly following our referral, I was scheduled to chaperone a youth trip to Magic Mountain. These seemingly opposite worlds collided, resulting in a painful explosion. Deeply embedded in my heart was guilt-ridden shrapnel of frivolity and poverty. Here was a group of kids, gaily comparing their spending money totals and posting pictures on Facebook of them having a blast on the rides. Meanwhile, my eyes were practically glued to my phone as I gazed, teary-eyed at two thumbnail-sized pictures of a girl halfway around the world, who had stolen my heart and who had never known such joy as could be elicited from a trip to an amusement park. Joy for her meant a semi-full belly.

Christmas passed, and we took comfort in the knowledge that next Christmas, Sophia would no longer be "just another orphan". In January, we traveled for court, and anxiously met our third daughter. Never have I known so much elation and sorrow to simultaneously engulf my heart. She was finally in our arms, only to have us leave her an ocean away, with no idea of when we would be reunited. We hadn't passed court (a common obstacle) and didn't know when our next court date would be scheduled. It could be days or weeks or even months. Turns out, our next court date was later in January. We passed-Thank you Jesus! And were submitted to the U.S. Embassy. We fully expected to be investigated by the embassy, but surprisingly were not.

Just a couple of months after meeting our beautiful Ethiopian daughter, I was headed back across the big pond to bring her HOME.

That's when the adventure truly began.

To Be Continued...


Dedicated To Those Still Orphaned,
Cynthia


P.S. Here's a rough-around-the-edges video from our court trip. 

*Aka ream of paperwork necessary for international adoptions.
**A mission trip to South Africa made sure of that.

Perspective

Perspective.

While Americans ordered 3 billion pizzas this year, 143 million children remained orphans.

For every hour we spent planning birthday parties, 257 children were orphaned due to AIDS.

While 50%-60% of American adults purchased lottery tickets, 10%-15% of Russian and Ukranian orphans who aged out of the system committed suicide before turning 18 years old. 

While 6 million kids were blessed to attend a summer camp, 500,000 children remained in foster care in America.

  

Priorities.

Convicted,
Cynthia

People Say The Darndest Things

We're kicking off National Orphan Awareness Month, Cynthia style. 

Below are some of the wackiest most memorable conversations we've had regarding our family.

#1
Setting the Scene: A grocery store parking lot, a random woman (RW) and me with my kids*
RW: Oh my word! Are these your children?
Me: Yes.
RW: They are exquisite!
Me: Thank you.
RW: Let's see...(pointing to Mikayla) this one is definitely European. This one (pointing to Naomi) is clearly Scandinavian. (taking a step back to survey Sophia) Aaaand thiiiiiiis oooooone is obviously black.

Nailed it.

#2
Setting the Scene: Crowded room, casual conversation swirling around my husband and I. Enters a random man (RM)
RM: Does she speak African?
Us: Ummmm. Well. She's only one year old, soooo...
RM: Is there is a lot of clicking in her language?
Us: There's a subtle click of sorts in Amharic, but it's not very pronounced.
RM: I was just curious, because the only African talk I've heard is (starts chuckling)...Have you ever seen The God's Must Be Crazy?

Headdesk

#3
Setting the Scene: Inside a doughnut shop, paying for our highly nutritious breakfast** and a friendly cashier (FC)
FC: Oh my gosh! Are these all yours?
Us: Yes.
FC: She's so pretty!
Us. Thank you.
FC: You're like that one couple...Brad and Angelina! 

Totally.


Laugh a Little (and take some notes),
Cynthia


P.S. You may want to bookmark this one, because November is dedicated to the orphan crisis and I'm not going to mince words.*** 




*Anyone else hear the narration in Liam Neeson's voice? You do now.
**Don't judge. I've heard that a bagel and schmear contains just as many calories as a doughnut. 
***Never fear. My usual charm and wit will still be lurking in the shadows.

Disney Syndrome

Like most women my age, I grew up singing every lyric along with Belle,* reciting the hilarious Timon and Pumbaa duo, and empathizing with Ariel. It doesn't set well with me that I watched them enough then to be able to recite extended scenes now. By the time Pocahontas was painting with all the colors of the wind, I was kinda over it. It wasn't until Pixar and Disney teamed up that I had a renewed interest in what kind of films they were producing. It also wasn't until a few years ago, that I set aside my nostalgia and began reevaluating the prevalent Disney messages.

Before you all flock to the comment section to tell me what a wonderful man the late Walt Disney was, allow me to lay down some fundamentals. Pretty please? I'm not suggesting all Disney movies are evil and that people who enjoy watching them are waltzing right through the gates of Hell. I'm also not suggesting that the C.E.O. of Disney is the Antichrist seeking a one world order via cleverly hidden messages thrust upon unsuspecting little kiddie eyes. I'm merely suggesting we be willing to scrutinize Disney movies with less sentimentality and more objectivity.**

Without further ado, here are my gripes with the average Disney movie:

1. Very few full-length films showcase a healthy nuclear family.
Most of the time, only one parent is present. What's with that?!? Dating all the way back to their first full-length feature film, Snow White, the families were presented as dysfunctional. Why the need to normalize broken homes and families?
Speaking of Snow White...
2. The hourglass shape on the lead female characters has gotten ridiculously out of proportion. 
Snow White is about the only modestly shaped woman, with a thicker form and a refreshingly contained bosom. We can kid ourselves all we want, but Disney jumped on the "Unhealthy Body Image Bandwagon" a looooong time ago. Aren't our precious little girls bombarded enough with unrealistic body images without adding children's movies to the list of offenders? 
3. "Innocent" has been cast aside in favor of "coy and flirtatious". 
While I think this trend is waning (at least to a certain degree), some of the princesses have emanated a worldly, almost seductive, charm. Disney is not a dating service for grade-schoolers. There's no need to instruct these little "sponges" in the art of being feminine. ***
4. Boys have preposterous expectations placed upon them. 
Starry-eyed girls began looking for their Prince Charming, but few found them. Thankfully, the male species simply does not fit the Disney mold. Wouldn't our children be better served by seeing realistic portrayals of both sexes?****
5. A majority of  these movies focus on a romantic pursuit. 
A nonsensical one at that. They met, fell hopelessly in love and got married. Amazingly this only took a matter of days. No wonder men and women become disenchanted with the realities of making a relationship work.
And lastly...
6. The Disney mantra is trite and pathetic at best, damning at worst. 
"Just believe in yourself and follow your heart" sounds so idyllic. However, believing in oneself rarely produces the desired results. Our efforts are feeble because we are fickle beings. My heart is naturally wretched. Following my own heart will lead to destruction, and I won't have Disney to blame-only myself. 

My aim in all of this is not to lambaste Disney films and criticize those who watch them. My aim is to draw attention to the issues we are likely to pass over in our saccharine childhood view of Disney (and other sentimental favorites). These matters will continue to take shape in the minds of children as they enter into adulthood.***** Considering these issues are already pervasive in our society, at the very least, let's be proactive in addressing these (and other difficult) topics.  

Weeding Out Old VHS Tapes,
Cynthia



*I may have overshadowed her a little bit, but she still held her own in our duets.
**This really goes for any television programming or movies. It's just more fun controversial to pick on a high profile corporation like Disney.
***I'm pretty sure we ladies are hard-wired to figure it out on our own.
****I know it's a stretch. We are (after all) talking about animated characters...
*****Case in point: The Twilight phenomenon.

Halloween Hullabaloo

Do you hear that? It's the sound of worms spilling out of the can.

Christians are at war regarding the level of Halloween festivities acceptable for the Christian to engage in. On a scale of 1-10, we have your run-of-the-mill "God hates Halloween" crowd sitting squarely on -3. These are the people who take this opportunity to pass out intimidating "If You Were To Die Tonight" tracts. Around the mid-scale mark, we see the "Harvest Festival" groupies. Their church usually holds a trunk or treat event (or whatever is trending that year), and everyone has warm fuzzies over not being sucked into secular holidays while still conducting a "community outreach". Dancing on number 10, we observe Christians acting just like the world. They go trick-or-treating and embrace Halloween in all it's fake fanged glory.*

Each camp appears to be at odds with the others, and I think the whole shebang is ridiculous. The very fact that we allow one day out of the year to be such a divider speaks volumes to how we really feel about each other. We more securely mask our opinions the other 364 days of the year, but the sentiments remain the same. 

To the first group, I implore you not to judge those who participate in the traditional Halloween celebrations (whether churchy or secular). Please don't assume that a Christian family who carves pumpkins, excitedly buys costumes or goes trick-or-treating are nothing more than shallow, weak-faithed, ill-informed individuals. Some of them have considered the spiritual issues of Halloween with a great deal of soul-searching and bringing their concerns before their heavenly Father.**

To the second group, it's easy to feel like you've taken the moral high ground by shunning the secular activities and not alienating the unbeliever all at the same time. Yes, your events usually flaunt less gory costumes. However, I see very little distinction between secular and churched girls when it comes to their costume choices. As the mother of young girls, it's disheartening to see this inclination toward (dare I say it?) slutty costumes. How on earth does that help with the outreach aspect of your event? If you're in the second group, please don't assume that those on either end of the scale are out of balance with God. The middle of the road is not always the best place to drive either.

To the final group, you feel Halloween is no different than Christians celebrating Thanksgiving, St. Patrick's Day or National Peanut Butter Day.*** You have freedom in Christ and feel gravely misunderstood. As such, you respond by snubbing Christian attempts to Jesus-ify Halloween and you mock those who choose to capitalize on the opportunity to hand out tracts. Please don't assume that your relaxed position on Halloween  is somehow more spiritual than the previous two parties. These other two groups are not filled to the brim with stuffy, goody two-shoes who have forgotten about God's grace. Also, see my comments above regarding provocative costumes. 

To all three camps (and anyone in between), I beseech you to consider how your attitude towards one another on October 31st taints your attitude towards one another the rest of the year. Let's all strive to live out Philippians 2:3, which admonishes us to "Do nothing out of selfish ambition, or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."


Blessings,
Cynthia



*Therefore effectively known by the former two groups as "those poor back-slidden Christians."
**If you are in the second or third group and have not carefully considered your position on Halloween, now is a great time to do that.
***Typically observed on January 24th. No really. Google it.

One Of Those Christianese Phrases And A Little Boy Named Nico

"It's a God thing".*
I hear and say it myself. I'm all for giving God the credit for things that go smoothly, or a "chance meeting" that needed to be. However, we run the risk of trivializing the mighty hand of God. Example: "Praise the Lord I was in the turn lane to get to my massage on time!"

Well. Whew! It's a good thing Jesus was taking the wheel on that one!**

That said, I'd rather err on the side of giving God the credit. I don't want to be stingy with my praise, and I also don't ever to want lose sight of how powerfully my God can move mountains.

This is one of those big God things.

If you've been friends with me on Facebook for any length of time, you have probably seen a post from me with a link to the MOST ADORABLE little boy EVER. I mean, look at this face!

Give me a break! They don't come cuter than this! I snicker at your attempts to find a cuter kid than Nico.

I have stared at this angelic little face for a year, praying for a family for him, agonizing over whether we were supposed to adopt him (being pregnant, I felt like now was not the time). I regularly visited his profile on Reese's Rainbow. On one such recent visit, my breath caught in my throat. A family is now pursuing this precious boy!! I admit mixed emotions. After all, I won't get to see his cherub smile on the website anymore.

As I read the adoptive family's profile, it left me speechless (no small task). Out of fifty, we just "happen" to live in the same state! After contacting Nico's mama, Kara (in an only sorta-kinda stalker-ish style), I found out they live in the same city as us. Whuuuu???? I'm no statistician, but those odds seem pretty remote.

So, in a nutshell, Nico will have to endure a few cheek snurgles from me***

My reason for sharing this is two-fold:
1. God deserves all the glory for answered prayers.
2. I want to support this family as they labor to bring Nico home, redeemed into a family. You will see more of their story. I'm already asking you to head over to Kara's blog and donate a lil' something, or enter into one of her super cool raffle drawings.

After you do that, go see the happenings at Reese's Rainbow. You never know. You may see your kiddo staring back at you. A little boy or girl who has been asking themselves, "Where the heck is my mom and dad?".

Remember, our God moves mountains. And not just for Nico. He wants to do the same in your life and mine too.

Watching Expectantly,
Cynthia



*Also referred to as "Divine Appointment" by scholars and other people who use big words.
**Just for the record, I'm all for massages. They're a thin slice of heaven.
***Relax people. I'll wait for the "all clear" from Kara. 

Roses Are Red...

...Violets are blue

Why is there a disaster
Every time I'm in the loo?

I don't know about you, but it seems like EVERY SINGLE TIME I step foot in the bathroom, World War III breaks out, or someone is suddenly on the verge of starvation, or someone tries to shatter a bone, a cup or my sanity. The state of emergency is directly proportionate to how long I need in order to take care of business.*

Let me paint a beautiful scenario:
I let my children know when I'm excusing myself to the powder room.** Now. We do not have exhaust fans in the bathroom (which means I can't mute their yodeling). This also means that every single response from me is heard by the neighbors via the open window in the bathroom. I'm sure they appreciate hearing me announce what I'm doing in the bathroom and how much longer it will be until I get out. 

Since I know you're all on the edge of your seats waiting for nuggets of wisdom to handle this parenting snafu, I present to you for your entertainment spiritual growth:

Parenting From The Bathroom:

1. Both announcing and slipping away unnoticed will result in company, quandaries or a dire malady.

2. Pounding on the walls is not nearly as effective as giving them the hairy-eyeball-death-glare.

3. Locking the door only heightens the challenge.

4. Sometimes it's better to preserve a shred of anonymity with your neighbor to the north.***

and lastly

5. Sometimes the worst form of punishment is to trap the offender in the bathroom with you. (insert evil laugh here)


Enjoy your daily recommended fiber allowance,

Cynthia




*This is eerily similar to trying to make a phone call...
**I know, I know. My husband thinks the same thing: Don't tell them you're going. BUT otherwise the youngest will be yelling for me throughout the house the entire time I'm gone. Entire. Time. You try that on for size after two minutes.
***I understand they need Jesus too, but opening with "Hi I'm the lady who shouts about her bathroom trips. Care to listen to the four spiritual laws?" just doesn't seem to open doors.