Foamy Dough, Writing, and a Weird Confession

I'm lacking in the "pictures of dough" department, 
but it'll all make sense (ish) if you're not too afraid to keep reading.
And, yes, that is pizza dough with a marinara "T C" in a heart with an arrow through it. 
Us as newlyweds was adorably geeky.

There's something you should know about me. It's something I rarely stop to ponder, but this week it has confronted me with boldness. It is only because I believe in authenticity, and also believe you, dear readers, to be grace-filled, that I risk to share.

I've never passed along Amish friendship bread starter.

And while I'm at it, any "chain" in which I am required to be an active participant is doomed. Recipe chains? No clue. Postcard swaps? Forget it. Forwarding that chain e-mail we all got in 1993?* Deleted. The only "chain" I managed to pass along was the little country phone prayer chain from my childhood. And that was out of absolute fear that if I didn't man up and call the next person on the list, that some poor soul would be prematurely struck with death, and it would be all my fault for not notifying Jane and Peggy that so-and-so had twisted their ankle.

My hesitancy is two-pronged: A) I don't want to be the receiver, because of ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY. These things are typically time-sensitive, which means that awkwardly passing something along, say, five months later (all the while acting punctual and breezy about it) is lame. Causing the entire shebang to pile up is lame. And handing moldy starter dough to someone is...lame...and also kinda creepy. B) I don't want to pick out my victims recipients. I feel like they see me coming and just know. I survived a short stint as a direct sales consultant. I recognize the look that says, "Oh goody. Here comes Cynthia to schmooze her way into my pocketbook." It looks identical to the "Oh goody. Here comes Cynthia with bags of foamy dough goo."

I don't need that kind of pressure, man.

So, you can imagine my trepidation when a dear friend** approached me about participating in a blog hop. I didn't even know what it was, but I was humbled to be included, and also, I needed a jump start. Answering four simple questions seemed easy enough. And now I actually have to do it. Preferably before the starter dough turns rancid.

1) What am I working on/writing?

This blog post. Duh. (This is why I can't be trusted with this kind of thing)
Beyond this here post, I have been refining a children's book manuscript while my mom does the hard part: Illustrating. I've also begun working on a full-length historical fiction.***

2) How does my work/writing differ from others of its genre?

I'm pretty sure it doesn't.
Is "sarcastic, Jesus-lovin', homeschooling, orphan crisis-addressing, slightly crunchy mama to a large family" even a genre? 'Cause if it is? NAILED IT!

3) Why do I write what I do?

Because it's cheaper than counseling and socially acceptable to partake in before 5 o'clock. 
I write the things that God emblazons upon my mind and ignites in my soul. I fail more often than I succeed, and my words are often inadequate and clumsy. BUT they are His words, for His glory and good purpose. If he can use con artists and hookers, then he can use the awkward words of a simple stay-at-home mom who's just trying to save a few bucks on therapy.

4) How does my writing process work?

And here's where ya'll skip straight over a counselor and sign me up for my very own comfy cell.
I talk through my writing concepts. Out loud. Not to someone. Just out loud. Oh, there are, of course, people around. They are mostly under four feet tall and some of them have banana smoosh in their hair. And sometimes when I'm especially deep in conversation (ahem), I seek solitude, which lasts until someone sticks their fingers under the bathroom door. I don't even know why these short people ask to whom I am speaking. Shouldn't they know how this works by now? Maybe a few counseling sessions wouldn't hurt...

Well whew! That wasn't so tough. There's only one problem: Big, Scary Phase Two. 

Imagine if we all gathered in a happy little room, and you spied me peeking around the door frame to verify that the coast is clear. Except you, ya' wily stinker, are watching me while pretending to read a text. You see me sneaking to a side table where I unload a box. I've even pre-taped a note to the front of the box. As soon as I beat a hasty retreat and try to act casual with a group of ladies, you saunter over to the box. Inside are bags of bubbly dough and the note reads:

Amish Friendship Bread Starter. Please take one to assuage my guilt. Or not. Whatever.

Sincerely,
Ball Dropper

So here's the tricky part: I haven't chosen bloggers to whom to pass the baton. I. Just. Can't. And apparently there's no tag backs. So, here's my box of dough. Who's going to take some home? 


Eyeing My Blogging Friends,
Cynthia



*You know. The one where the guy had a vivid and terrifying dream that his friend was going to hell only to find out after waking up that his friend had tragically died in a car accident THAT VERY NIGHT. Don't wait to tell your friends about Jesus, ya'll.
**Seriously. Skip the rest of this blog post and go read her stuff. You won't regret it. She writes like me only she's actually good at it, she affirms the sacredness of coffee and chocolate, and is practically related to me. It's only a matter of time before our hunting and pecking around Ancestry.com proves we're long lost sisters.
***Hint: My research for this book has led me to communication with the director of the Museum of Menstruation. Yes. That's a thing. 

A Mile In My Shoes: Unexpected Blessings

An opportunity for YOU to share your stories, in order that we all might learn to love more deeply.

This submission belongs to this awesome woman and mama.

Mom was standing in her dining room searching for something. Not only had she forgotten where it was, now she couldn't remember what it was. With a sudden realization of what her memory lapses really meant, she looked at me and said, "I am so afraid." Then the fog of dementia crept back into her mind and frustration, suspicion, and anger took over.

At that time what Mom didn't know was that I had already spoken to her doctor about her memory loss. After she forgot how to turn her headlights on at night, I had also written a letter to the Motor Vehicle Department stating that I didn't think that she was a safe driver. When she got the notice saying that she needed to take a driver’s test, I told her that I was concerned and I had written them. She wasn’t really happy, but she was confident that she could pass the test. Ironically, I had to explain the notification and give my confession several times that afternoon, because each time she didn’t remember what I had told her. And, no, she did not pass her driver’s test.

Kathy's mama and my grandma.

A few years before, I had taken Mom to a lawyer so she could update her will and prepare a Power of Attorney, Living Will, and Medical Power of Attorney. Now, documents in hand, I visited that same lawyer and prepared to officially take over caring for her.

Then Mom fell and broke her arm and her dementia accelerated at an incredible pace. She could no longer live alone or safely care for herself. Ultimately we made the difficult decision to place Mom in a nursing care facility that specialized in patients with dementia. That was one of the most difficult decisions that I ever have had to face in my life. Six months later Mom had a series of strokes that took her life.

While going through the tough times of caring for Mom, I found many unexpected blessings.

I learned to pray first - not last. God has an answer for everything, comfort beyond understanding, and eternal strength that will fill you. I know this first hand.

I learned that making preparations ahead of time let me spend more time with Mom and less time getting things in order. While her memory was still good, we got her finances and legal affairs in order. The lawyer also made a copy of all the documents for me as well as for Mom.

We worked to enjoy life to the fullest. My mother had dementia so I did not spend my time correcting her limping memory. I spent my time enjoying her company. In our travels, Mom and I often passed a house with a baby horse.  Every time we passed that house, Mom would point to the baby with great delight and we would stop and watch the horses. Each time she saw that baby horse, it was “the first time” even though she had seen the baby many times - and each time she had an enormous sense of delight. 

I continue to learn to forgive myself for my mistakes. If I had known then what I know now, Mom would not have needed to go into a nursing home. However, I did not know then what I now know and I can’t go back in time and change things. It makes me very sad to know that Mom spent her last few months in a place where she didn’t want to be, but Mom would not want me to be angry with myself. I am learning to extend grace and forgiveness to me.

I chose to view life through her lack of memory.   I went to visit Mom in the nursing home one time and as I walked towards her she said, "Look!  There's my mother!"  She smiled and was obviously delighted to see me.  I had a choice at that point - smile and start conversing with her, or be upset and try to explain to her who I was.  I realized that it didn't matter.  I knew that she was my mother and I knew that my mother was confused.  I smiled back, kissed her, and began visiting with her.  It was more important to me to be with Mom than for her to remember who I was.

During those last months with Mom, I was reminded again and again of what a blessing it is to care for someone you love.  I never thought when I bathed my daughter, changed her diaper, fed her, helped her get dressed - and the myriad of other things that parenting involves - that one day I would do all of those things for my mother. As I cared for Mom, I was reminded that she, also, had done all of those things for me. The blessing to be able to do them for my mother was extraordinary.

The day that she had her last stroke, I spent the night with her. I read to her and sang to her. And I was with her in the morning when she died.

One thing I know: I will never regret one moment I spent caring for my Mom. The unexpected blessings that poured over me during that time have greatly enriched my life.

Live richly - love deeply,
Kathy

Engagement photo-Classy, right?